Owning my own mind

I was in my late twenties. I hadn’t been on the spiritual path for long. I had been recently divorced and had dated the first man who “understood” my spirituality. I was lonely and needy, and I attracted a tough lesson.  After this man lied to me, cheated on me, stole from me, and dumped me, I felt strongly, justified about my anger.  I felt justified in my victimization. I couldn’t buy things because he ran off with some of my money. I couldn’t trust people because he’d lied. I was mired in self-pity and convinced he was the cause of my misery. Anyone around me at the time would have easily agreed… except the angels, who saw a higher truth.  I felt horribly misunderstood by them.   Meanwhile they were trying to give me back my power to be happy and abundant once again. I wanted to be mad.

After weeks of stewing, I finally did something positive. I went for a hike. I sat and meditated high on a beautiful cliffside and prayed for ideas about how to generate more income so I could get myself back on track. I was deeply immersed in 3D at the time. I believed my problem was the money he stole. If I could make more, I reasoned, my life would go well once again.  “Angels, how do I make more money?” I sat in beautiful silence and waited for the answer. “Forgive your ex-boyfriend.” Some of you have heard this story. That didn’t sit well with me. “I’m not asking about him. I am asking how to make more money.” They persisted. “Forgive your ex-boyfriend.” I was getting mad all over again. “I’m not talking about him. I’ll deal with him later. I want to know how to make more money! Why are you talking about HIM now?”

They answered with a force of loving truth as only the angels can.  “You have made him your God. You have decided that since he stole from you, he is responsible for your finances. You have given his bad behavior power over your mind and your life. In truth, he made a very temporary dent in your life, and the minute you give your power to be happy, abundant, and powerful back to God, you will be.”  I sat there, reeling from the truth of their words.  They were right. I had given him and his bad behavior way too much power over my mind, my life, and my finances.

Although I really wanted to be mad, I had a stronger desire to feel better. And so I “alligator-wrestled” my mind away from my focus on his nonsense and imagined what it would feel like to be happy, powerful, and abundant again. I looked around and felt the beautiful expansiveness of nature. I leaned back and looked at the vibrant sapphire sky and the red rocks towering overhead. I breathed in the fresh pine-scented air I had previously not even noticed. A small wind whirled around me as if to clean off the clouds, and I saw the bounty of God’s creation all around me.

Suddenly, his behaviors, which had seemed so important minutes before, became small. A Souce that could imagine and create this magnificent world could certainly help me turn things around. I breathed again, relaxed, and felt Divine love flood into me. It had been waiting all the while. I had simply been tuned into something lesser.  God was broadcasting on FM, and I’d been on AM. I finally got myself plugged back into the steady stream and broadcast of love.

Suddenly, I knew what to do. I started getting ideas about classes. I felt empowered. I hiked back to the car, drove home, called him, and told him I was forgiving him of the debt, forgiving him for his lies, and told him I was done with him and he could explain his behavior to God at the end of his life, but I would not be in contact again.

I hung up the phone, feeling victorious. I thought to myself, “That’s that. A few thousand down the drain for a good lesson, and I’ll never hear from him again.” I was wrong. Three days later, I got a check in the mail. I was, apparently, the only ex-girlfriend he ever paid off. I assumed he didn’t want to explain his lies to God at the end of his life 🙂 I now know God is pure love, but the thought that pleased me at the time!

That was one of the most empowering experiences I had in my young life. I realized the angels were right. No one gets to own my mind and control my life unless I allow them to do so. 

This past year, there have been a lot of crazy behaviors on the planet.  I’ve had some aimed directly at me. I haven’t let it ruin my day. I was called a bitch last year because I wouldn’t allow someone’s anger to manipulate me. Through some grace of God, I looked at this individual, responded with an amused smile, and walked away to join friends for an amazing dinner.  Meanwhile, the grapevine reported that this angry person went on to take out their upset on others later that night. It wasn’t about me and I wasn’t about to let their upset ruin my evening.

Growing up, I never knew I had the power to use my own mind to create my own moods. I was taught, as most of us were, that others “made” us feel good or bad. It took a lot of letting go of the old paradigm before I could really admit I had the power to feel good, even when others made it hard!  But oh, the joy of knowing you don’t have to do the crazy dance even if someone else wants to invite you to it. It feels like freedom to me, and it feels good.

Here are a few pointers to help you stay out of the crazy dances and stay in a better-feeling place in your life, no matter who is doing what around you 🙂

1.  Think in terms of “Tuning” vs. “Taking on” energy

We all used to talk about “taking on” other’s energy.  It was a useful metaphor. However, the angels are refining our understanding to help us see we really can’t “take on” another person’s energy but we can “tune into” it and therefore feel it with them.

When we feel another’s pain or anger, we have a choice about whether or not we want to tune into them at all and, if so, how we want to tune in. We can focus on the fact that they’re trying to grow. We can focus on the fact that they may be innocent but ignorant. We can focus on the fact that there is care underneath their fear or upset, a need to be needed, or a desire to be loved.  Alternatively, we can tune them out and focus on something better.

Whatever works to keep you in a kinder vibration is the best choice. Unlike trash, which a person can dump on our lawn, no one can truly force their vibration upon us if we remain tuned to something better.  We are all switching to a more empowering understanding of “tuning” vs. “taking on.”

2. Be a Selective Empath

Most of us on this list are empathic. We feel everything. We can easily feel another’s pain, especially if we care so deeply. However, we can learn to be more selective empaths.  That was a revelation to me.  When someone was once raging mad at me because I wasn’t letting them control me, I felt their venom aimed at me!  I remember walking around the house looking for something to feel good about. I had just remodeled my bathroom, and what caught my attention was… my new toilet. I liked the shiny new one so much better than the old one.  I started laughing. How appropriate that the elegance of flushing things made me feel better in that moment. I was no longer empathing with this soul’s anger. I was laughing.

I remember telling the angels once, “I can’t feel good. I feel this person’s pain. I’m an empath!” (as if they didn’t know!) They responded, “Yes, you are. Be a more selective one!”  This was about the time they introduced the analogy that if I was at a buffet and saw food I didn’t like, I wouldn’t focus on it but would rather walk on and focus on the food I did like!  Somehow, we feel we must “digest” everything we feel and see in the world rather than simply allowing ourselves (mentally) to go nibble on something else!

Next time you feel something you don’t like, immediately try to focus on something that feels better. Give yourself permission to feel good with even the smallest shift in attention.

3. Tune into the Steady Broadcast of Love When You Can

There is a steady broadcast of love from the Creator that is there for us at all times. Focusing on that is the easiest way I know to be with someone in pain without taking it on.  In fact, this is how I’ve managed to do readings for over 25 years without burning out. I answer emails about death, debt, and divorce—often before coffee. I talk to people on a daily basis who are looking for a way out of grief, fear, or the pain of being on the receiving end of unthinkable behaviors.  I love, but I don’t “take it on.”

To be more accurate, I don’t “tune into” the vibration of pain. I bear witness to it, but remain tuned into my own feelings of compassion. I tune into the love that the angels want to share with them. I tune into the love they are reaching for. Instead of “taking on” or “tuning into” pain, I seek to tune into love so powerfully that I create a strong vibrational field in which people can feel safe, loved, and assisted. Often I imagine a steady stream of light flowing to me and through my heart to them. It heals, soothes, and comforts, and it keeps me in a vibration of love.

We are all learning new ways of understanding ourselves as the energetic beings that we are. We must be compassionate with ourselves as we’re learning and practicing the new skill of “tuning” rather than “reacting.” Some days, you will be brilliant at choosing things that feel better. On other days, you’ll need a good human wallow. Whatever space you’re in be kind to yourself.

Like most of us, I didn’t learn early in life that it was OK to be happy when others were not. At first it felt callous and uncaring not to join others in their upset or pain. As time went on however, and as I practiced good feelings, I’ve seen my work deepen, my ability to enjoy life expand, and my capacity for creativity and positive influence grow.  I’ve been able to love even when others can’t or don’t… and that feels good. I’ve seen so many of you popping into this reality, too, and it makes my heart happy. We are a mighty force of love, and right now, the world can use a bit more of that 🙂