No need to dance with the dark

Hi Everyone,

The last few months, the angels have been powerfully asking people to disentangle their energies from those who want to pull them into an argument, attack their character, knock them out of their light.

This isn’t the easiest thing to do. Our biology has a fight/flight circuit that was originally intended to turn on when we’re faced with a physical threat. In the modern world, however, we have been conditioned to view people’s opinions of us as threats to our identity. In our desire to please others and avoid their negative opinions of us, we spend a good deal of our lives in biological stress. How much easier it becomes when we listen only to the Divine within!

Like many of us, I used to get very upset when someone was unkind to me. I used to get defensive or cry in agony. I got sucked into arguments I didn’t want to have. I worked harder to please people who were not pleasable. As a result, I spent countless hours in unnecessary drama inside my own head!

Angels being angels, they helped me see that although my feelings were triggered by other’s words and behaviors, there were my feelings — and therefore mine to endure or change. It wasn’t easy at first. I really wanted to do what I was conditioned to do and blame others for my mood!

I argued with the angels at the time. “You don’t understand…” They did. They lovingly persevered until, at long last, I understood that my happiness, health, security, well-being, and abundance depended only on one thing—how aligned I was with my Creator, with the pure love that wants all good for all of us. My unhappiness stemmed from the fact that I was not aligned with the energy of love. The angels see us as far more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. They won’t ever believe us when we argue for our limitations. They lovingly hold fast, like a parent who sees their child’s potential even when the child argues for their limitations.

I learned to withdraw my attention from people who behaved badly, and amazingly they often left me alone, sometimes dramatically disappearingthe minute I stopped focusing on their negative behavior. As I learned to look for the good in people, no matter what they aimed at me, I often had the privilege of watching good emerge. As I learned to pray for and focus on the kernel of light deep within the ones whose behaviors wouldn’t change, I felt the powerful beauty of love flowing through me. It feels good to be the loving souls that we truly are. It feels horrible to get sucked out of that space.

Living in a flow of love and choosing not to engage or battle with darkness does not mean we become weak or “doormats” to be stepped upon. Quite the opposite is true. In love, we are guided, firm, and clear. In battle, we become weak and give control to those trying to upset us. We give up our happiness when we give others in lower spaces the negative attention they want rather than focusing our positive attention on the things we want. It isn’t the dance we really want to do.

Any two-year-old knows that if they upset their parents, they have the power. The two-year-old also knows that the tantrums don’t work when they’re around adults who lovingly and firmly refuse to give in. The crying child and barking dog will cry and bark even louder if you get upset around them. If you stand in a space of offering real love or calmly withdraw your attention, they will eventually calm down.

I know a grandmother who has an extremely beautiful and loving relationship with her grandchildren. When they were young, she did not give in to the tantrums. The kids would turn on the tears, and she’d smile cheerfully and say, “That might work at home, but not here. Come tell me what you want, and we’ll figure it out.” If that didn’t work, she’d distract the kids with something pleasant, and everyone moved forward more happily!

To help me learn this skill of being loving, calm, and firm, the angels guided me to watch two television shows—”The Dog Whisperer” and “Supernanny.” Although in completely different genres, each exemplified the energy of someone who was loving and yet whose firm and clear energy created positive change for all involved.

The ability to stand in a loving, clear, and firm space when confronted is a profoundly useful skill. It feels like being the loving rock that won’t roll no matter how hard someone tries to drag you into the unloving or unpleasant space they’re in at the time. It feels better to be in a vibration of love than a vibration of anger.

You don’t have to “like” what is unlikable. A hose doesn’t have to feel great about the parched earth, but it can allow the water to flow nonetheless and feel the good feeling of the soothing waters within. The parched earth may not absorb the water at first, but that does not diminish the hose’s experience of the flow. Likewise, others may not recognize the energy of love you choose to allow through you, but you will feel better for it.

Over the years, I’ve had many opportunities to practice standing in my loving center and not taking things personally! It wasn’t at all easy at first. My first programmed reaction was to react. Thanks to the angels, I learned to breathe, remain silent, and then imagine light flowing through me to the person who was upset or to flow love towards an easier target! I learned to say nothing rather than argue.

The world offers us a buffet of behaviors and words. As the angels like to say, we wouldn’t stand at the food buffet and obsess about the foods we don’t like. We’d move on and pick the ones we do! We can do the same in this great buffet life with all of its various behaviors and words to choose from. I no longer “chew on” or “stomach” the things I don’t like. I move my focus towards what is in alignment with love and remove my attention from what is not. It feels better and enables me to stay out of the world’s dramas and focus my attention and energy on more loving pursuits.

Here are a few pointers to help you stay loving, calm, and firm even when others aren’t:

1.  Breathe. Use your biology to calm yourself.

You can learn to operate your biology to stay calm in the face of adversity. A large portion of our reactions can be avoided by simply breathing the moment something shocks or upsets us.

For those of you unfamiliar with the vagus nerve, it is the nerve that runs all the way down the spine, starting at the back of the neck. It goes to every major organ bundle. It is known as the rest and digest nerve because when you trigger it, it calms the body. It gets you out of the fight/flight mode. It is the nerve that, when activated, tells the body you are safe.

Here’s the good news. The easiest way to activate it is to breathe in slowly and breathe out extremely slowly allowing the air on the outflow to slightly vibrate the back of the throat. You don’t even have to think about it. Just breathe out like a balloon slowly, slowly deflating. In slowly, Out verrrrry, verrry, boringly slow—as slowly as you can. If you keep this up, you will learn to trigger the vagus nerve, and you’ll feel everything in your system relax. If you practice this often, you’ll develop what is known as “vagal tone,” and you’ll be able to relax with only a few breaths.

Om’ing also trips its trigger by vibrating the back of the throat. Singing does the same. The old wives’ tale of putting a cold compress on the forehead to calm a child also sends signals along the facial nerves that trigger the vagus nerve. Ends up, a lot of our tried and true methods of calming our system have an actual biological reason to them.

So next time someone starts to upset you or you start thinking of something upsetting, breathe in slowly. Breathe out as slow as possible. Repeat until you feel yourself calm.

2. Once centered, ask some good questions

You are a loving, light-filled soul. No matter what the world or others are doing, it feels better to be your true self. Although there might be a reaction to get upset, defend, justify, or argue back, once calm, you can ask yourself the simple question the angels gave me, “Is it worth it?”

Is it worth defending your honor to someone who isn’t even in a vibrational space to acknowledge it?

Is it worth it to demand respect from someone unwilling to give it?

Is it worth it to be upset about the state of the world or others’ behaviors when you can’t directly control it or them?

How much do you value your peace of mind?

Just asking these questions can help you choose where to place your focus. Rarely is losing your peace of mind worth the argument, justification, defense, or upset.

While being angry might give us a temporary high as the brain releases chemicals that make us feel powerful, it isn’t the deep, centered, peaceful, loving power that feels like home.

3. Starve the darkness

If all else fails and you find yourself getting sucked into the upset, remind yourself to starve the darkness.

When you choose not to get into an argument, you starve the person of the fight they want.

When you choose not to get upset at the world, you starve the vibrations that feed off our stirred-up energy.

When you don’t need to justify, defend, or explain yourself to someone being unkind, you have the energy to feed the good things in your life.

I often think a little humorous thought: “No anger nuggets on the menu! Only love and light served here!” It just feels better

The angels don’t often spend time talking about folks offering lower behaviors. They see us all as souls reaching for the light. Nonetheless, they are aware of the challenges we have as human beings when others want to draw us into a negative dance.

They have been helping a lot of people lately to disengage from upsetting behaviors offered by others because they want us to be healthy, happy, and to exist in a vibration of love so powerful that we can be in the world with all its diversity and have beautiful, loving, light-filled, happy lives no matter what.

So next time you find yourself getting upset or wanting to defend or justify yourself, breathe. What feels better? Is it worth it? Don’t you deserve to aim all that precious life force at what you want to empower and experience?

I now think of my energy as a resource more valuable than money and do my best to invest it wisely in loving thoughts that attract a loving reality. I hope this helps you too!