Traditions new and old – loving now

It’s last Sunday night as I write this, and I’m up late baking eggshells! Not exactly part of my pre-Thanksgiving playbook, but the kitchen needed cleaning for company, and that big bucket I’ve been saving was calling to be processed. I crush them, boil them to disinfect, bake them at 350°F until dry, then pulverize them into powder in my high-speed blender. I then take one teaspoon a day in my smoothies. It’s free, easily absorbable calcium, and it satisfies my desire to avoid waste.

Meanwhile, Thanksgiving prep is in full swing. I always cook a huge meal: soup, salad, homemade raspberry vinaigrette, sweet-potato crescent rolls, honey butter, roast turkey, two gravies, gluten and non-gluten stuffing, roasted brussels sprouts with cranberries and pecans, sweet-potato casserole, creamy green beans with bacon, cranberry-orange sauce, and pumpkin pie. I also put out mini muffins, a cocoa and coffee station with mini marshmallows, cinnamon, and candy canes. To say we end up in food comas is an understatement—but the laughter burns calories well!

No matter what’s going on in my life, be it beautiful or hard, the holidays give me such joy. While decorating and enjoying a big meal were part of my childhood traditions, I’ve expanded the rituals, changed the dishes, and gone a bit nuts with decor to make the holidays my own. And each year, no matter what is going on in my life, who is still here, and who has moved on—in life or in spirit—the traditions are constant touchstones, reminding me that the memories I make for myself, family, and friends are the most important things in my life. Even the years when I spent the holidays alone, after leaving my former life behind, I decorated, cooked, and treated myself the way I wished others would. And eventually, others who matched my newer self arrived.

I’m also insanely busy this season. People need more support this time of year. But even during my long, full days, I take my pauses. I stop and look at the Christmas trees with their white lights twinkling in my living room and feel a wave of contentment. I sip cider or spiced apple juice and feel the warmth of it sliding down my throat. The days are shorter, but somehow the tomatoes and roses are still growing in spite of rain and cold. I visit my experimental squash plants growing in the windowsill and marvel at the tenacity of life. The seeds were sprouting inside a squash I took apart to cook! My amaryllis bulbs woke up after a year of dormancy and told me it was time to water. Pretty soon, I’ll be playing holiday music nonstop and figuring out what I can create for friends. I’ll spend a few minutes every night sitting in silence, watching the lights while bundled up under one of the beautiful Christmas blankets I designed, praying for us all.

The world keeps spinning with its drama. People I love have challenges. My body isn’t perfect yet. But life has so much to offer. I look for love, nurture it in every way I can, acknowledge it in others, and try to share it with all. And when I occasionally get uppity, I catch myself, stop, breathe, look around, and realize life is good. No need to focus on anything else.

Even my dead dogs get in on the festivities! The first year they were in spirit, Christmas felt strangely quiet until I refocused on their presence. Now I know they’re always here—especially during the holidays! My husky-wolf is probably recalling one of his greatest moments—the day he stood on his hind legs, stuck his head in the sink, and bit off at least three pounds of raw turkey! The bird had to be reconfigured. The dog was escorted outside, and I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry, so I did both. He was quit pleased with himself and the meal was salvaged, but what a mess! Ever year after I barricaded the sink by placing the kitchen island in front of it! My dog subsequently spent all day trying to figure out if he could find a way around it.

The dogs are still so present. Just yesterday I was on the phone when one of them knocked something over in the family room.  They still move things from time to time—but at least I no longer have to defend my dinner!

Whatever you’re going through, take a moment and enjoy what is good already—or if that feels hard, look for what is good. It may be small at first, but as you cultivate the habit of looking for the simple things to enjoy, so much more good can come.

Here are a few pointers to help you enjoy the season with more soul:

1.  Re-evaluate your Traditions

There’s a great teaching story I heard years ago.  A grown daughter asks her mom, “Why do we cut off the end of the ham before we cook it?”  Mom says, “I don’t know. I’ll ask your grandma.” She says to her mom, “Why do we cut off the end of the ham before we cook it?” Grandma says, “I don’t know. Let me ask my mom.” So she goes to great-grandma and says,  “Mom, why do we cut off the end of the ham before we cook it?” Great-grandma says, “Because my pot was too small for the whole ham!”

It’s a great reminder that sometimes we do things simply because they were always done that way, even if they no longer make sense.  I used to cook 100 dozen cookies to give away, and they were always received with glee. Now I make a batch or two since most of the people I know are no longer over-sugared!  However, while many no longer send Christmas cards, I still spend hours on them because it feels like a great way to connect with people I love.

Whatever you do, do it because you love it, or create something you love more.

2. Tell People You Love Them

This time of year, more than ever, is a great time to let people know you love them, and why. In fact, one of the best gifts I ever gave was a long letter about why I loved a family member, recounting many of our shared memories.

Memory jars, or “Reasons I Love You” jars, make a great gift. Just get a beautiful jar and fill it with slips of paper recounting shared memories or reasons you love the person. They can randomly reach in and pull out a memory or a loving thought.

However you do it, whether in person, in a card, or in a gift, let the people you love know you love them. And let them know what you love about them.

There is no greater gift you can give yourself than allowing love to flow through you to another.

3. Make Some Quiet Time to Connect with Those in Spirit

Include your dear ones in spirit in your holiday activities. They. LOVE to participate. Talk to them. Ask their opinion. Trust the first thoughts or feelings that arise.  Put out beautiful pictures of them. And know that they hear you, feel you, and love you. They love your love. They want the best life for you. And they adore gatherings where “two or more” create a beautiful, loving energy.

It is 11pm Sunday night now. By the time you read this, I will be sleeping under a pile of fleece blankets, basking in the glow of great friends and good food. But for now, I’m headed to the kitchen to process four cookie trays of baked eggshells while watching Christmas crafters on YouTube. The twinkle lights are on. I’m sipping cider piled high with whipped cream (strangely delicious), and my heart is full.

Some days, some seasons, even some years, love is harder to find than others, but no matter what, it is always there, waiting for us to acknowledge it, look for it, and create more of it.