Staying peaceful when others aren’t

I was talking with a family member the other day who was pretty upset about the new AI sorting her emails and trying to “help” her by making a confused mess on her phone. I could sympathize. While I love AI, I don’t want anyone or anything attempting to think for me unless I request the help.  I don’t enjoy humans either who insist on “their way or the highway,” as the saying goes. We were born with free will and we know it. Very few enjoy being told who we should be, what we should do, or how we should act unless we have requested an opinion.

And so, over the years, I’ve learned not to waste my breath sharing my opinions with people who don’t want to hear them. So many times, I’ve wanted to retort to something I considered absurd on social media and realized at the moment before I pressed “enter” that I was absolutely not in the right energy to get any sort of decent reaction. I now wait until I feel loving, generous, and like offering a useful perspective. Only then can I speak kindly, wisely, and in a way that can actually open hearts. I once had a friend with a very wise grandma who taught her that “words, once released, cannot be unspoken.” It is good wisdom.

But what to do when someone unleashes their opinions on us, dumps their anger, or vents to release their pain in a way that feels hurtful? What to do when you turn on the news and see the arguments or something you disagree with?  I struggled with that for years. I was born between Pisces and Aries. When Pices was dominant, you’d find me curled up in a ball, crying. When the Aries was out I got fighting mad. Neither flight nor fight made me feel much better. I had to find a wiser way to handle the upsetting words and behaviors in the world.

Slowly the angels worked with me to find better feelings—to feel so good in fact, that anyone trying to make me feel bad, looked like a spitting two year old throwing a tantrum. I had an unthinkable incident a few years ago in which a very unbalanced individual unleashed their words and energy on me in public in ways that had friends concerned and clients who witnessed the event upset. I was in such a loving mood after teaching a class that I just stood there calmly as a mother around a screaming child and didn’t let this person push a single button. They ran off swearing at me, and I went to dinner and had a great time with friends. So be it.  Not everyone is in a good mood, but that does’t mean I have to join them!

And here we are in a world where so many insist their way is the right way. I don’t watch much news but when I get on social media or hear what my clients are going through, it is hard to escape some of the world’s wildness. If I let myself I could get righteous and riled. But I go back to the angels’ teaching. I’d rather feel good.

And so I refocus. I say a prayer for the most benevolent outcome for all. I pray for all angry and wounded souls to be raised into the light of love. I pray for all good souls who are scared to feel the love there to guide them, and then I go back to focusing on my taxes, making cute little clipart, working in my garden, talking with friends or family, or anything that feels better.

We can’t always escape those who vehemently want to force their opinions on us. We can’t always escape those who want to dump. We may have to be physically present with them, at work, in line, or even at home but we do not have to take on their vibration. It really is a matter of constantly telling yourself, it is ok to focus on what feels better. When someone is hollering what feels better to me is love, thinking about dinner, or the beauty outside the window…

We weren’t taught it was ok to detach from the angers and upsets of others, but it is actually wonderful when you can give yourself permission to feel good even when someone else wants to have you join them in their upsets.

Here are a few pointers to help you stay peaceful even when others aren’t:

1.  “Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys”

This comes from an old Polish saying that basically means “not my mess.” Remind yourself of that when you see someone riled up or someone is aiming negative energy your way. Don’t say it out loud of course 🙂 It probably would not be taken well. But you can think it.

Someone else’s bad mood is not your mess… even if they try to dump it your way. 

2. Memorize the Serenity Prayer

The serenity prayer is spiritual brilliance, reminding us to discern what is changeable and what is not to avoid wasting our time and energy trying to change those things and opinions that are firmly set. It can give you peace when you see something you can do nothing tangible about.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference” – Reinhold Niebuhr.

3. Work on the 5D Solutions first

If a friend, coworker, boss, or family member drives you nuts, work first in your inner world to create a more benevolent outcome. Look for good qualities in them, or if that is too hard remind yourself you’d rather feel good and shift to exuding love or compassion. Instead of fixating on changing them, find peace within and approach the next interchange with peace inside of yourself.

Years ago, someone in my life was inspiriing a lot of anger within me. I didn’t care for how they spoke to me or treated me. And so I gave myself a long weekend to “burn off” the anger inside me. I journaled, huffed and puffed, and then resolved to be loving and kind no matter what was aimed at me in the future. It completely transformed the relationship. Rather than asking myself, “Why do I have to do all the work all the time,” I shifted to, “I’m so glad I have the awareness to transform this.” Like magic, the other person settled down and became kinder.

When we change our energy we often inspire unconscious shifts in others.

We love it when people are kind around us. We don’t care for it at all when we see anger or upset aimed at us or someone else.  But we can still find peace, happiness, and a sense of staibility no matter what others send our way. And that feels good!