Loving the things that would otherwise sting

Things no sooner started to get back into a normal rhythm in my personal life once again when the news of the assassination attempt came to light. No matter which side of the political fence you’re on, I think we can all agree that it is profoundly sad that a young man, angry and bullied in school, thought the only solution to his life’s problems was to kill and be killed. I saw a picture of this boy and cried. He was so young.  Quickly, I caught myself and refocused on the good that would emerge. As the world sees violence, more and more people resolve not to hate and not to wish ill upon one another, no matter how much we disagree. In the end, love is growing. It always has and always will spring up like a plant that grows through a crack in the cement and reaches for the sun. Love cannot die. It is the essential ingredient and fabric behind existence. More and more are reaching for it.

What shook me deeply was that only a few days prior, I had awakened from a disturbing dream. In the dream, I led a small group of people away from a crowd and told them to remain quiet and that they’d be OK. In the dream, I remember commenting about the fact that they’d be “safe from the sniper.” and then I woke up hearing what sounded like a very real peppering of shots in the dream. It took several minutes of focusing on the sunshine, the garden, my peaceful house, etc., to shake the unpleasant feeling. I finally sat with the angels, breathed, received their love, and prayed for peace in all hearts, ready to receive it. It was the best I could do. I didn’t know exactly what the dream was about. The angels wouldn’t tell me. Some things are not mine to know.

In spite of the violence and anger in this world, I see love rising up more than ever before. In my personal work, I’ve seen more and more people who used to martyr themselves stepping into greater self-care. I’ve seen more people who have been treated unkindly, removing attention from the unkind ones and shifting attention to the caring souls in their lives. I’ve seen people “forgive” in the sense of letting go of old pains in lieu of feeling good now, and I’ve seen even more popping into a space of compassion. We are growing rapidly beyond our old programs and our old stories and stepping into a new and more authentic way of moving through life.

Those who have been reaching for love are finding it in surprising ways. We are shedding old skins and releasing aspects of ourselves that no longer serve. We are sending our former martyr-selves or warrior-selves into the light. We are loving the “unloved” parts of self. We are learning to give ourselves what others have not, and in that light, the actions of anyone else become far less relevant than the energy we bring into our own lives.

I’ve had a little dance with wasps in my yard these past three years. They’re very symbolic of the scared, sensitive beings that like to attack when they fall into fear. They’ve helped me see how deeply I’ve changed in my reactions to unpleasant behaviors. The first year, they lived in my rosemary, and we reached a peaceful accord. At first, I ran in fear when they emerged en masse, but over time, I learned to be still when they got fussy, which seemed to calm them down.

Last year I asked them not to live in the rosemary, so they built right above my front door outside the office window instead! Every day, I stood beneath them and let them know they had a three-week countdown before I’d have to take drastic measures. I figured that was enough time to let the babies hatch and get out. Sure enough, they all disappeared before that time. They moved into the cucumbers instead, which, by that time, had pretty much stopped producing in the intense heat of summer.

This year, they moved into a hole in the stucco and built their little nest inside my dining room wall. I wasn’t thrilled, so I prayed over it. I decided to talk to them. I sat inside the house and put my voice close to the wall. “Little ones I love you and don’t want to hurt you, but you cannot be in my house more than one season. You cannot get fussy with me in the garden. We can live in peace and be fine, but if you provoke me, I will have to call someone. Please. Let’s live in harmony.”  Soon after, I found three dead wasps in my house. They seemed to make a point of living their last breath in a visible area as if to say, “See, won’t harm you.”

Yesterday one got very fussy with me in the garden. He flew at me aggressively, buzzing around my face. I became very still and said quietly but firmly. “This is not ok. If you are in my yard, we need to live in harmony. I don’t want to hurt you. Why don’t you go sit on the rose leaves, and we’ll have a chat?” My energy was calm and no-nonsense. He left me alone, landed on the rose leaves, and stared at me. “We need to get along kindly if you’re to live here. I think you’re cute, and you do a great job of pollinating my garden, but we have to get along. Do you understand?”

What ensued belongs in a fairy tale.  He looked at me, nodded that little head, and began to preen, running his little front arms over his face and looking at me very peacefully.  “You’re so cute!” I squealed. I put my face close to him and watched him.  He stopped preening, stood perfectly still, and, with a little eye no bigger than the head of a small pin, stared into mine. We looked at each other like that, with wonder, for several minutes as I felt the spirit of love emanating from us both. “Well, there you go,” I thought, “peace on earth, or at least in the yard.”  I wish all stinging things and beings would so easily settle down and receive love!

We can’t control anyone else, but we can love the ones we can love and turn away from the ones who are too difficult.  As the saying goes, we can live by our own values and be the kind of person we want to see in the world. We can be the people we want to be and let others be who they need to be. We need not fear for the world, for our countries, or for ourselves. Love lives within us. Love lives within all. Stay in that frequency of truly allowing yourself to live and let live, and you’ll find that those who resonate naturally come close and those who do not naturally fall away.  Even those that would otherwise “sting” calm down in your energy of love, or better yet, their behaviors bounce off you.

It isn’t always easy. There’s plenty to be disturbed about in the world and in our own lives at times. If you can remain true to your own heart, however, you’ll rise above the disturbances, tune them out far more easily, and live a much kinder life.

Here are some tips to help you when you see or experience things that aren’t so easy.

1.  Grant yourself grace

Sometimes, the world or the behavior of others wobbles you out of a loving or good-feeling space. There’s no need to feel ashamed. We all “know better,” but we’re human, and some things are hard to watch and nearly impossible to feel good about. Don’t force yourself to feel good about what does not. Don’t force yourself to love people you cannot yet love. Don’t try to be pious. Be kind to yourself. Grant yourself grace.

Turn away from what upsets you and find things that feel better. We do not have to try to feel warm and fuzzy about what does not.  Refocus on something easier. The move you allow yourself to feel good (and therefore feel God), the easier it will be to remain steadfast in the face of what formerly “wobbled you.”

You deserve your own compassion. Grant yourself grace.

2. Live and let live

There’s an old saying I grew up with that says, “Until you walk a thousand miles in another’s shoes, it is hard to truly understand them.”  I tune into others for a living, so in a way, I temporarily walk in their shoes, but unless you do this regularly, it is hard to even imagine what motivates people to behave as they do. You don’t know their childhood. You don’t know the events that might have shaped them. Some of the most put-together appearing people have suffered through vile abuse, and some who appear to have it all have challenges you can’t even imagine. Most of the time, another person’s behavior has nothing whatsoever to do with you, but is rather a reflection of all that is going on inside of them.

I hear this question all the time, “How could they….” fill in the blank. The question is usually asked by rational, conscious human beings who put some thought into how their actions affect their own lives and the lives of others.  If you are rational and expect everyone else to be, too, it can’t possibly make sense to you when a person has an irrational, pre-conditioned reaction. Forget being upset and figuring them out unless that pleases you! Celebrate that you make decisions more consciously.

Unless you walk a thousand miles in another’s shoes, it is hard to understand them… The angels remind me often to “live and let live.” Just do what is right for yourself.

3. Pray for all, equally

Pray for the light of love to rise up in all human hearts.  This includes the people you like and don’t like, the ones you agree with, and the ones you don’t. It is a prayer that tunes you into your soul’s loving truth and moves you past any vengeful thoughts that only hurt us. It is for your good and the good of all humanity. If the person you dislike most had the light of love rise up within them, you might find that suddenly, they are no longer unlikable.

Do this for yourself. It is a wish for a kinder, better, more gentle, and loving world for all, including you.

We cannot solve the world’s ills because some are not yet ready to open to love. We cannot fix the world’s pain because some do not believe they can live in joy. We can’t solve the world’s problems with one political party or the other. We can start at home, in our own hearts. We can allow love to flow into our lives one choice at a time. We can enjoy life even when conditioning tells us we are not “allowed.” In so doing, we raise the vibration of humanity, one person, one soul, one choice at a time.