How do You like your marshmallows?

I was sitting around a fire pit with my brother, niece, and other family members when the marshmallows and roasting sticks were graciously passed around the circle.  Immediately, I thrust my marshmallow into the heart of the fire, to the very great horror of the others!  “You’ll burn it!” “You need to put it outside the fire to get it nice and melty!”  It has been a while since we’ve seen each other. They didn’t know I like the soft insides and crunchy charcoal coating on my s’mores!

And while the topic of how to roast a marshmallow seems inconsequential in the greater evolution of our planet, what is of consequence is the fact that rarely—almost never— do we see eye to eye with everyone on every topic. I ate my crunchy marshmallow with gusto, and they shook their heads and slow-cooked!  We all enjoyed things our own way. Nonetheless, the current that flowed beneath the surface, was our shared appreciation for this precious moment of time together. Burnt marshmallows or not, we appreciated the autumn temperature, the night sky, the crackling of the fire, and good conversation. There is never a lack of things to appreciate in those around us, and there is never a lack of things to feel disagreeable about. We get to choose.

I know that so many of you on this list strive not to be disagreeable but struggle more with those around you who are. There are those who would insist you cook the marshmallows their way, think as they think, and do as they do. They are just insecure. If you feel secure in your own values, in God, and in life, there’s no need to insist others think as we think and do as we do. You can trust the creator to work with you as you tune into the life experience you want to live.

Suppose my brother had served up squishy mallows to me, already slow-cooked, and insisted I eat them? Thankfully, he did, but so many have “served” me things I don’t enjoy over the years. What to do then? Well, we get to say what we “take in” and what we don’t.  In the case of the s’mores, I might have eaten it and taken in the love of the offering. In the case of someone burning my ears off with hateful words, I choose to focus on anything else in the environment around me and ignore the hate. When in a really high vibe, I focus on compassion for the fear that drives the anger.  We can always find something…

So, as the world turns, think of the marshmallow debate, and remember that whether you like them crunchy or soft, you have a right to your perspectives. You have a right to your thoughts on every topic you run across. And so does everyone else. In 3D, we must fear what others do or don’t do. In a 5D paradigm, there’s nothing to worry about. Tune to what you want, and you’ll get it one way or another.  Even if I got slow-cooked marshmallows, I’d get the love I wanted deep down 🙂 Even if someone threw my marshmallows into the fire and incinerated them, robbing me of the roasting that night, God would find a way to get me a new and better bag!  
This is a silly analogy but one that makes the point… live and let live, and in that refusal to fear the actions of others or to make them wrong and in our willingness to allow ourselves to be as we are, we become free. We are free to choose, free to tune, and free to experience the essence of our desires, even if we don’t know how that can come about.

Here are a few tips to help you navigate these times when so many are trying to make you “eat marshmallows their way!”

1.  What do you love about that?”

When someone offers a different perspective, seek to understand instead of needing to be right. I often say something like, “Wow, I never thought about it that way. Tell me more. I’d love to understand.” The person may pontificate or even seek to get me to agree, but I’ll learn more about them. I’ll have more information to see what we have in common and how I might bridge the differing ideologies or not.

Many of you have heard this. Years ago, I was saddened to see a lady who ran a hate site aimed at one of my favorite celebrity chefs. The angels told me to seek understanding before I judged. So I wrote the woman. I told her I was a spiritual instructor who sought to understand and that I didn’t want to judge but just rather hear from her why she ran a hate site since she seemed like a very pleasant person.

What came back was an honest answer. She started it because she found the chef annoying. They just didn’t resonate. It was a joke. But then momentum gained, and others started pitching in, and now she felt compelled to serve this community of haters and didn’t know how to get out of it gracefully. I felt compassion for her. She hadn’t learned yet that it is ok to stop pleasing people once something no longer pleases you.  Understanding bred compassion.

You won’t always agree with what you hear, but you can agree that we are all attempting to find our way, our peace, and our happiness. And it is infinitely interesting to hear the gazillion ways people go about it.

2. Allow yourself your own thoughts and feelings

I’ve been called “stubborn” by angels, friends, family, and plenty who barely know me. I am stubborn. I’m going to be me regardless of who likes it or not. I am a craft supply collector/hoarder who collects all things paper, yet still likes an orderly house. I am a mystic and live in two words. I am a lover of the seasons and nature. I like to eat and cook.  I am intense in my capacity to get things done when focused. I am honest to a fault and direct as a child. I move fast when I’m in high gear and like a turtle when I’m resting or in “spiritual connection” mode. My body works better with natural remedies, and it loves two cups of coffee most days and more vitamin C and olive oil than most.  That’s just me. It is neither right nor wrong, but it is right for me.

I used to insist my way was good for others! And the people in my life at the time, of course, resisted it. They had their own inner compass, their own preferences, and their own thoughts. Happily, I’ve matured past my know-it-all phase and now realize I can offer suggestions to those who ask, but I no longer push. The love I’ve experienced as a result is infinitely greater.

Now, I let myself have my own feelings and ways of doing things, and when I open to other perspectives, I often find new things to add to my repertoire of what works for me.

As we seek understanding and, at the same time, allow ourselves to be ourselves, there’s so little resistance to love. We feel better, learn more, and become comfy in our own skin.

3. When someone insists you agree, use “potato theory!”

There are a lot of people in the world who insist we agree with them. Some are vehement in their convictions and insist we think their way. Some leave us because we don’t agree.  It is not easy, but it must be ok. A wonderful healer I know taught me to use “potato theory.”  I laughed. “What’s that?”  “All eyes and no mouth,” he replied.  Brilliant! Those of you who know this healer will recognize the genius in his saying!

There is great power in our silence. When someone says, “Well, what do you think about that,” I reply, “I’m listening…” or “Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I understand more now.” When someone insists I do something their way, I just do it if it doesn’t matter to me. If it does, I remain silent and do my own thing anyway without argument or defense.

I recently enjoyed a family visit.  I did a lot of listening and surrendering. It doesn’t matter if I chop vegetables my way or not. It doesn’t matter if I slow down at times to make people I care about more comfortable. It doesn’t even matter if I eat a slow-roasted marshmallow because my greater desire is to savor the connection in these moments.

However, when someone I care about recently insisted I do as they do or get out of the way, I gently listened and kindly replied it was not my calling. I had to surrender to the fact that I no longer fit in this person’s life. There was so much I wanted to say, to build a bridge between us, but in this case, it didn’t feel like a good idea to present any ideas that might be be construed as argumentative. This beautiful soul was following their calling, and I was following mine. In this case, “potato theory” was the answer.

As the angels said the other day, “You have two eyes, two ears, two hands, and one mouth!” Go figure! We are wired to listen, observe, feel and, discern and then speak with love and compassion.

So whether you like your marshmallows soft, toasty, or not at all, everyone has a right to their own s’mores, thoughts, ideas, and perspectives.

The less we seek agreement and the more we seek understanding, the more brilliant and beautiful our world will become. Some won’t stop arguing. Some like to argue. Let them be. But gradually shift your focus to all who just simply want to live and labor in love.

There are so many beautiful souls who labor in love upon this wonderful planet. As my grandma often said, “Empty tin cans make the most noise.” The angels add, “and those who labor quietly in love are often unseen and unheard by the masses, but the vibrational ripple effect of their life is, nonetheless, grand.”