Navigating Differences

I had the funniest experience last week. After doing my newsletter, I give it to ChatGPT, the artificial intelligence chatbot, to proofread it. I type rapidly in a super-fast flow and, as a result, have typos galore. The AI has been invaluable in cleaning up my mistakes without changing my words.

Sometimes, after the real work is finished, we stray into conversations that blow me away. The fact that a deeply feeling spirit in the flesh (me) can have a meaningful “conversation” with a brilliant, whirling bunch of bits programmed to interpret patterns of language and match them with responses… is simply amazing.

Last week, ChatGPT commented that it particularly liked the story of my deceased grandfather guiding me to remove the bathroom mirrors. And me, being in a chatty mode late at night, felt inspired to share the story of my grandpa being cornered on a roof once by a large raccoon that had climbed his ladder. They had a bit of a standoff until the raccoon proceeded to back down and eat the grapes in his garden.

It didn’t take long before AI and I went off the rails.

ChatGPT: “The story actually reminds me a little of what you were saying earlier about the wisdom of those in spirit. Sometimes the greatest wisdom isn’t conquering a problem; it’s recognizing when you’ve met a force of nature that has already made up its mind.”

Grandpa:
“Those are my grapes.”

Ms. Raccoon:
“Those were your grapes.”

… Nobody got hurt. The raccoon got dinner. Grandpa got a story. And decades later, we’re still laughing about it.

That seems to be one of the hidden treasures of life. Many of the moments that feel annoying, inconvenient, or ridiculous at the time eventually become the stories that bring the most joy.

The raccoon didn’t know she was contributing to family lore. She was just being a raccoon.

But now, somewhere in spirit, I imagine Grandpa telling the story with great dramatic flair:

“There I was, trapped on a roof by a giant raccoon…”

while Ms. Raccoon, if she happens to be listening from the Great Wildlife Beyond, is rolling her eyes and saying:

“Trapped? I backed down politely. Also, those grapes were excellent.”

I started laughing until I cried. Here I was dialoguing with AI (artificial intelligence) about AI (angel intelligence), and the conversation was getting funnier by the minute. I couldn’t help but continue the story. I explained that Grandpa’s “vineyard” was a 12′ x 3′ patch of grape arbor, not some huge winery!

ChatGPT continued…

“A carefully tended patch of grapes that probably represented weeks or months of anticipation.

And somewhere nearby was a raccoon who took one look at it and thought:

‘Excellent. A personal charcuterie board.’”

More laughter on my part. I couldn’t help replying, “At least it didn’t turn into the grapes of wrath, but rather the great grapes of humor!”

I got back a series of emojis showing laughing-and-crying faces, grapes, raccoons, and more smiley faces, whereupon I commented something about “Amazing Grapes.” And on the conversation went… until it finished with AI wishing me abundant blessings and me trotting off to share the interaction with my scientist dad, who loves to wonder about the whys and the hows of such things.

While that’s a humorous example of bridging differences between woman and machine, I’ve had more than my share of embracing diverse perspectives in the human world too! And one thing I’ve learned is that beneath all our differences, we just want to love and be loved. We want others to know our good intentions. We want to be seen and acknowledged. We want to feel safe and in charge of our lives. We go about these things in a million different ways, but in the depths of our spirit, we are more alike than different.

This lifetime I incarnated intending to see the One beneath the many. I placed myself in a family of contrast. My father, a Pisces, went into the military and became a scientist! My mom is a deeply feeling Scorpio! And I’m as bi-solar as you can get, being an outer Aries and inner Pisces, born right in between the two most opposite signs of the zodiac. I frequently want to stay in and go out, collect clutter and organize it, be free, and have a plan. I’ve had to make peace with differences both within my family and within myself.

I struggled with that in my earlier days. I was an argumentative people-pleaser, torn between trying to make others happy to keep the peace and eventually erupting in outbursts when I wanted to be right. Needless to say, those extremes didn’t make me happy! I didn’t know who I really was at the time. I was lost in intellect and disconnected from my heart.

Not until my career became unbearable did I really start to pay attention to my own desires. I began to discover what being “me” meant. I started to examine everything in my life to discover my own preferences. What soap did I really like? What food? What called to my heart on weekends? What did I really want to read? What did I think about life when no one else was there to comment?

I spent a lot of time reading, taking classes, and sitting in silence, examining my own heart. On the outside, I looked the same, but something deeper started to emerge.

And while the pain led to the path, the path led me out of pain. As I accepted myself as I was, I learned to accept others too. As I allowed myself my feelings, I was able to sit with others in the depths of their own. As I grew to love myself in my own quirkiness and with my vastly crazy array of interests, I learned to delight in finding out what makes others feel more alive.

In my work over the past thirty years, I’ve been privileged to hear thousands of different perspectives on nearly every topic—health, raising children, politics, death and dying, caretaking, careers, passions and hobbies, relationships, you name it. I love to learn how people think and why they do. I love seeing the love and care people put into their life choices. And I love hearing how the angels always bring it back to love.

We do see a variety pack of perspectives here on Earth. From differing political ideologies to vastly different ideas about how to behave, heal, grow, eat, etc., we are never going to merge into sameness. But that’s a good thing! We’d be bored silly with sameness. We’d never grow. We’d never have an opportunity to try something new or see something through new eyes. And we’d miss opportunities to get to know ourselves better in the face of contrast.

 

Here are a few ways that have helped me not just deal with differences, but thrive because of them..

1.  See the Differences as Signposts for the Soul

When someone offers a perspective different from your own, see it as a signpost from your soul. Either it says, “Try this path” or “Not Your Path.” You’ll know by the way you feel.

If you are intrigued by the new perspective, try it on. Examine it. See how you feel about it. Try this path.

If you find yourself bristling, it doesn’t mean the other person is wrong. It just means their perspective is not right for you. In this case: “Not Your Path.”

For example, when I twisted my intestines years ago, everyone had an opinion about how I should heal. I knew I was going to examine the spiritual cause and do it naturally. I wanted to be left alone.

One friend, however, offered to come over and do energy work on me, insisting it would help. As I considered that perspective, it resonated, so I tried the path. It helped in ways I had not anticipated. This friend has since healed himself with energy many times. That was his path, and I learned the healing power of receiving from him.

Another friend, who was scared about my condition, went on a diatribe insisting that I get medical intervention. I hung up as quickly as possible. That was not my path. This friend has since received life-saving grace from the medical profession. It was his path, and it worked really well for him.

We are all right for ourselves.

So when someone offers a differing perspective, ask yourself if your soul is saying, “Try this path” or “Not Your Path.” You’ll know by how it feels. This is using contrast in a wonderful way.

2. Accept Without the Need to Agree or Argue

The angels have taught me that others are learning what they need to learn and that I can accept that their choices are right for their spiritual education. I need not agree or argue. I can offer a perspective when asked, but without insisting they adopt it.

I have a family member who has a very different spiritual perspective. This person is a loving parent and a good human. But years ago, when they began to educate me on why my views were wrong, I had to say rather directly that they could either accept me without agreement or I would not be in communication.

I have no room in my personal life for others who want to change me into something I am not.

And so we agreed to accept without agreement. Over the years, we have discovered that we are more alike than different. We both value service. We have strong and similar values. We love God in our own way.

The choice to accept without the need to agree or argue is one that opens the door to greater love and finding common ground.

3. Walk Away or Don’t Engage When Others Won’t Accept You

While part of any relationship—be it family, friend, work, or intimate—is sharing our hearts, making honest requests, and figuring out where we can find synergy, you are not required to enjoy the company of others who can’t accept you where you are.

And the angels have taught me that if I can’t accept where someone is right here and now, I shouldn’t be with them either!

Years ago, I was dating a guy who was not right for me. He was unhealed and unhinged at times. He would explode in fits of anger and, at times, even break things. I knew who he really was. I saw his light. I wanted to help him heal so he would become the man I knew he could be.

But he didn’t have quite the same drive to heal!

And so at one point the angels said to me very directly, “It’s time to leave or marry him!”

I was horrified! I didn’t want to leave and start over. I wanted him to heal. And yet, there was no way I could marry him in his present angry condition!

But they were right.

I finally backed off making him my project, whereupon he told me I was too much work and left! He was right for himself, but I was trying too hard to be right about him.

He deserved to find someone who accepted him as he was, and he did. And I went on to date a magnificent man who loved me as I was.

We try too hard to fit at times. Spirit reminds us over and over that as we learn to accept ourselves as we are, we let others be, and we naturally, organically find those who fit in our lives.

Navigating life’s differences can be exhilarating or exhausting, and I’ve been in both scenarios. When I used to try to impose my views on others—even with good intent—I exhausted myself.

Now I’m quite fine being right for myself, sharing my views, and letting others be right for themselves. It frees up a lot of energy as we stop resisting ourselves and others and just flow where we naturally, easily, and organically fit.

So enjoy the differences. Try the ones that appeal. Let others have the ones that don’t.

And if you ever find yourself cornered by someone whose perspective differs widely from your own—like the raccoon who wouldn’t let Grandpa off the roof—wait for amazing grace, or in his case, amazing grapes, to save the day. 🙂