Cycles of life and enjoying now

Last weekend, I went to a Día de los Muertos celebration. For those who don’t know, the “Day of the Dead” is a Hispanic tradition originally meant to welcome the spirits of the deceased back for a brief annual reunion. It has evolved into a celebration of appreciation, remembrance, and acceptance of life’s cycles. To me, it feels like a time to embrace the best of what life offers—music, food, festivities, family, and friends—and to celebrate the eternal presence of our loved ones.

Bright orange marigolds strung into fragrant garlands hung from the ceilings and light fixtures. Candles, photos, and flowers create ofrendas (altars) honoring relationships that never truly end. Skeletons are dressed in elaborate attire. Faces are painted like sugar skulls, and “La Catrina”—a skeleton in her elegant Victorian dress—reminds us that life and death are intrinsically intertwined, and beneath all we present to the world, we are the same.

At the celebration, we get our faces painted, then sit in a beautiful courtyard listening to mariachis, flamenco singers, and a trio of classically trained rock violinists whose presence adds an energetic modern spin. Hundreds of people mill about—eating, laughing, talking. Some wear costumes, some walk on stilts, some bring their dogs. We talk to total strangers who become temporary friends.

A group of Chinese girls from Hong Kong sits next to me and motions that they want to sample the red raspberries in my lunch, so I pass them around, and we share a sweet moment of connection—smiling, gesturing, and communicating beyond words. This is real life. This is what matters: connection, creation, love.

Though the day isn’t part of my family heritage, I’ve adopted it as part of my spiritual one, because those in spirit are part of my everyday life. I talk to the people we can’t see throughout my day and celebrate the love they pour into our existence, if we are willing to receive it.

Lately, I’ve been moved to tears by the love I feel from those in spirit pouring through me to their loved ones. Never mind that we’re thousands of miles apart and talking on Zoom. Love knows no boundaries. Neither space, time, nor dimensions can separate us.

There are TV and radio signals passing through the walls of our homes all the time, broadcast by stations near and far, some bouncing into space and back before reaching us. We may never notice until we tune in. It’s the same with spirit. Their waves of love are broadcast constantly. We just have to tune in and turn on our receivers. As the angels remind us so often: “Sit. Breathe. Receive.”

But I digress. This week, the angels talk about how our eternal existence is all about love, and that is purpose enough. The celebration of Día de los Muertos is, in part, an acceptance of the eternal cycles of life and death. Nature understands this changing of seasons. There are times of growth, times of release, and times—like winter—when the growth happens quietly within. Yet in every phase, there’s an opportunity to love and to celebrate our being rather than judging ourselves based on our doing.

On my deathbed, I won’t be thinking about what an achievement it was to graduate from the University of Notre Dame in the College of Engineering (I did), or how I was given stock options as a 20-something young engineer (which I lost when I quit to follow my heart!). I won’t think about the number of people who followed and liked me on social media, or how much money cycled through my bank accounts.

Instead, I’ll think about all of you. I’ll think about the sunrises I’ve witnessed in a chilly autumn forest, the days when the creek went up to my thighs, and the time a mother duck and her babies swam around my legs. I’ll remember the little bees in my backyards burying their sweet faces in the tiny lavender blossoms, and their hum on a hot summer’s day. I’llremember the fuzz on the tomato plants, and the intoxicating smell of fresh basil growing gladly in the sun.

I’ll remember the brave souls I’ve known who transcended life’s pains and challenges and grew into greater love. I’ll think about the times when I laughed so hard I thought I’d split a seam, and the times when I rose once again beyond the challenges and the tears. I’ll remember so many small moments with family and friends, dinners, calls, celebrations…

I’ll think about the love.

Here are a few pointers ot help you savor the present and release the mythical race to the finish line…

1.  Question the “Must-Do” List

There are some things we must do, like paying bills on time or taking care of our health, but a great many things we think we must do are really things we feel we should do.

Do you really have to call someone every week if it feels more like a duty than a joy? Do you truly have to maintain your house or car as often as you think you should? Do you actually need to organize that closet or computer right now?

There will be times you genuinely want to do these things, and that’s wonderful. But you can sink into the present far more easily when you know the difference between the actual “must-dos” and the items that can wait until we feel inspired. Save the “shoulds” for when they naturally call to you.

2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others—or to Some Mythical Standard

We’re often so hard on ourselves. We compare our lives to others without knowing the details of their lives. We hold ourselves up to to made-up standards of perfection, or perceptions of where we think we should be by a certain age.

Instead, focus on what makes you feel satisfied and happy. It is enough to do on what feels authentic and fulfilling right now.

3 .Pause to Celebrate Your Victories

When you accomplish one of your goals, and reach a temporary “finish line,” take a moment to acknowledge yourself and celebrate. Whether it’s starting a new exercise program, making a meal you’ve never tried before, or checking off your weekend to-do list, let yourself pause and feel the satisfaction of a job well-done, before racing to the next thing. Only then can you move forward with satisfaction and joy, instead of rushing toward the next thing left undone.

As we move from honoring All Souls, All Saints, and Los Muertos into the season of Thanksgiving and Christmas, may we all feel the beauty of life’s cycles. May we find joy in each moment. May we remember that this life is a chance to seek, see, and be love time and again, and in that we have purpose, value, and a priceless reason to be proud of who we are.

I’m feeling especially grateful for all of you. And no, I’m not leaving this life anytime soon—I’m just feeling it all deeply these days, with appreciation for so many beings great and small. The world will do what it will. There’s pain, chaos, and division. All the more reason to live in love, emanate love, appreciate the little things even when the big things feel uncertain, and know that in doing so, we contribute to the greater good.